这两天整理大学时代的电脑，翻到大学里写的一些作文。忘得一干二净，要不是写着我的名字，还真是不敢相认。随便选了一篇读下去，发现比现在的英文写得流畅得多orz，很多词都不认识了……退步非常严重啊！看得我泪流满面。
后来和同为英语专业的小维聊天，她说她以前老师说过，如果毕业以后不是当英语老师或是需要写英文文章，那你们大四时的水平就是你们的巅峰水准了。如果要我以前听，估计会不屑，但现在事实摆在眼前，真是不服不行。写作确实还要练的，就算我常读常翻，不自己去写东西的话，还是没办法运用自如啊。
看来要积攒一下练习英文写作的勇气了orz
贴一篇，居然是把自己写成男性的搭讪文，看起来好穿越啊-_-，不过还是能看出不少用法很生涩……至少现在我能看出这个来了！（喂）
Lili Class 0201 #02041115
Being a fan
What’s the hottest thing this May? No doubt, there was only one answer: Star Wars EP3. Come on! That’s the end of a epic, a bridge to connect two trilogies. I find no excuse to miss it. Even living in China.
Yes, I can watch this movie in the big screen in China just as US people do. That’s uncommon. But seeing the movie alone was too lonely and boring. So I called all my friends in Wuhan to find someone go with me. But no one likes to spend a night in a cinema for a movie. When I depressed, one of them gave me a MSN username. “Maybe you can call her out. She’s a big movie fan, too.” My friend said. So I added her and waited her on line one evening.
About eight o’clock, she’s on. I opened a message window and tried to say hi to her, but she got me first.
“Hey. Who are you?” She didn’t use “u” or “r” for short. That’s good. I don’t like people who don’t have patient to type a complete sentence. And her font color was red. I thought might be she was a powerful or passionate person. I smiled and typed.
“Hi I’m Leon. I got your MSN from my friend.” My font color is blue-green, as my eyes.
She answered very quickly:
“I see. She told me. You want to see Star Wars EP3?”
Her forthright surprised me. No superfluous words, just to the point. I began to like her.
“Yup, I want to see the premiere.” I entered and continued,” you?”
“I plan to.”
“Well, would you plan to go with me?” Talking to her made me forthright, too.
This time her answer came a little slower. I thought she was smiling.
“Give me a reason.”
“Don’t you think enjoy Star Wars alone is a very luxurious thing?”
“I’m not a person who talks while showing a movie…”
“I don’t mean that. It just…You know, if there were a person who laugh together or cry together with you, that’s great. It feels like a resonance.”
“Hehe, you are very funny.”
Her answer was quite short. I was not sure whether I could success. I needed to say more.
“Star Wars is our culture. There are some jokes only we can know. I don’t want to laugh in the cinema alone, like an alien. I need a fan, yes, not any people but a movie fan to share this great epic together.”
“That’s sweet. But we don’t need to see the premiere. It’s crazy to go out at 0 o’clock just for seeing a movie.”
I knew I succeed for a half, just go on! Go on!
“No, I wait for 28 years, I can’t wait a minute more. ”
I waited long time for her respondent. Then I saw the answer I wanted.
“O.K.”
She typed the full stop to show her emphasis. I smiled again and I believed she’s smiling too. Not just for someone to be a partner, but also for a funny person we talk too. I expected the premiere more.

前几天刚看了刘瑜对剑桥几年的感悟，今天又看见豆瓣上有人推她之前在美国七年的回忆，巧得很。虽然她这几年来很红，《民主的细节》卖得很好，不过这类文章以前就在林达手中出了不少，连文风都很像，因此我并未有什么惊艳之感。倒是她blog上一些其他主题的故事我还比较喜欢，比如之前提到写剑桥的那篇《琥珀之城》，徐徐道来，引人入胜，是篇上好的散文。而今天看的这篇，最打动的我是其中一段话。

从前有一个女孩，她总是非常焦虑。有人问她：你为什么总是那么焦虑？生活多么美好啊！她说：我也不服啊，但是没有办法，我缺乏智慧，总是要翻山越岭才能到达一个近在咫尺的地方，但是你知道吗？我有一种预感，我相信自己会越老越快乐的。

这也是我经常和一些女朋友们提到的，为什么一样的环境，别人舒舒服服的过着小日子，而我总是如此焦虑。其实阿兰·德波顿一早就说过“人们有着身份的焦虑”，并用了一整本书来阐释这个问题。但于我看来，还是这段简单的话更说到了我的心窝里。这份焦虑其实来自于心中对自己和现状的不满足，对自己能力及未来的不确定，有些人还有对未知世界的好奇。和她不同的是，我不能确定自己会不会越老越快乐，只有不停的努力提高、学习，相信能找到答案。
或许有一天我就突然悟了，知道自己究竟要做什么事，突然发现想要的生活唾手可及；又或许有一天，我能拥有智慧，足以发现所追求的自己全部拥有。在这之前，还是不断的攀登吧。
P.S.既然提到了阿兰·德波顿，顺便推荐一下他在TED上的演讲，说得非常好，unfortune和loser的区别引人深思，境况越接近的人越容易相互嫉妒那段也很精彩。地址如下，有中文字幕：
艾倫‧狄波頓:一種更寬容,更溫和的成功哲學

这两天稍微松了一点，工作上又没什么活，就继续开始整理以前的相片。整理到04年时去江南的旅行，发现很多东西已经忘记，只有相片一如既往，不由得感谢起它们来。想想也应该好好整理一下了，于是开始研究相册，打算制作出来给爸妈看，虽然数码的优势便在于省钱，但做成相册的话，相信老人家还是会喜欢的。
一边整理一边PS一边看着别人的作品，感觉自己水平还是低微，用功还是不够。虽然一直在拍一直说爱，但投入还是太少。也会一时冲动的下一堆电子书，买一些教材回来研究，但并无法成为持之以恒的习惯，就连看别人拍的相片也是。我想还是应该更认真更心无旁骛一点，严肃地对待我这工作外的第一……或者第二大爱好。我的确很难跨过妄自菲薄这个坎，那么就再努力一点吧。争取有一天，让它能成为我的骄傲。
女儿五一和我回南宁之前，送了一个很大的防潮箱给我，是我都一直没舍得买的。在摄影的路上我很幸运，有Wing送我LOMO，有老爸给我传承相机（虽然造成我一直没有新相机用从来都用二手甚至三手），有女儿给我送防潮箱，等等。不做得好一点，实在是无法回应她们的支持和期待啊^_^
翻以前的照片也可以看到，老爸以前失焦跑焦用错白平衡照糊那也是家常便饭，大家都是这么走过来的，哇哈哈哈~